My New Answer to Solicitors

I received a phone call last week--and yes I am on the Do Not Call list.  This solicitor could call because he wasn't selling anything.  He was giving me a gift.  The call went like this:

Caller: We want to thank you for being such a good customer by sending you one round trip airline ticket to anywhere in the Continental United States.  We will be mailing it out to (Address) and it should arrive next week.  Now we would also like to give you 5 free magazines.  Which ones would you like?

Me:  I don't want any magazines.

Caller:  They are free.  The publishers are giving them away to promote the magazines.  If you don't want them, you could give them away.  Now would you like ABC or DEF magazine?

Me:  I don't want any magazines.

Caller:  Well what about your husband?  Does he have any hobbies?  We have plenty of magazines on hobbies.

This phone conversation continued with me repeating several times that I didn't want any magazines.

It ended with me ordering 5 free magazines just to get off the phone. 

Caller:  Now all we ask is that you help out with the shipping and handling because it is so expensive.  We ask that you pay $47.59 in handling for the free magazines.

Me:  I DON'T WANT THE MAGAZINES!

Caller:  Have a nice day. (click)

I never got the plane ticket. 

I have decided that the next time I get a call like this I am going to turn the tables.  You see, I live in an area of the country where alligators live in abundance.  The next time I get a call, it is going to go like this:

Caller:  We want to thank you for being such a good customer by sending you....

Me:  I want to thank you for being so nice.  So I am going to go out, capture an alligator and mail it to you.

Caller:  I don't want an alligator.

Me:  It is free.

Caller:  What would I do with an alligator?

Me:  It is some of the best meat you have ever eaten.  Where would you like it sent?

Caller:  I don't want the alligator.

Me:  I am sending it to you free.  All I ask is that you pay the shipping, handling and dry ice.  Now it will cost you $65.89.  How would you like to pay for it?

Caller:  I don't want the alligator.

Me:  It should arrive next week.

Caller:  I DON'T WANT AN ALLIGATOR.

Me:  Have a nice day. (Click)