Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Yes, It Really Happened

Today I am going to share some things that are almost too funny to be real, but they really happened. 

A Kindergarten teacher had a student in her class who did not live in the district.  Since the family was building a house in the district and had plans to move at Christmas, the teacher did not alert the administrators.  The parent had enrolled the child under the grandparents address.  After the Christmas break, another Kindergarten teacher asked the child, "Did you get moved over the holidays?"  The child answered, "No ma'am.  Mom still has to lie."

A blind student once asked me, "What color is a pinstriped suit?"

A First Grade teacher was having a conference with the parent of a struggling student.  The student had been instructed to take his little sister to the back of the room and play with toys during the conference.  After a while the mother said, "I don't know why he is not learning his math.  I help him every night."  The child immediately looked up and said, "No you don't.  You never help me.  I ask all the time, but you don't help me."

The district where I taught was supported mostly by rice farmers, so every year we taught units on rice.  One year the teacher across the hall invited a student's dad, who was a rice farmer, to speak to the class.  The dad brought treats made of rice for the students.  After he had completed his talk, the teacher said, "Well thank your wife for making the treats for us."  The dad replied, "No, I made those cookies."  The student stood up and said, "Yeah, and you and mama had a fight over those cookies, too."

An administrator at school acquired a terrible rash on her entire body.  Another administrator told her to take an oatmeal bath for the itching.  The following day, she came in and said, "I took an oatmeal bath, but it didn't help."  The advising administrator asked what procedure she had used.  She said, "Well, my husband cooked the oatmeal, then my kids brought it to me in the bathtub and I put it on my body."  After the entire office staff stopped laughing, they explained that she was not supposed to cook the oatmeal.

Although not school related, one of the funniest things I have ever heard is from an author friend.  He forgot his glasses at a booth in a restaurant.  When he returned to get them, there were three elderly ladies sitting in the booth.  They asked, "Are these your glasses?"  He replied, "Yes, now if I can just find my teeth I'll be alright."  He wrote about this ending with, "You should have seen them scramble out of the booth."

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