Tears In The Fruitcake

Dorothy read the recipe, although she had it almost memorized.  She absolutely hated fruitcake.  Well that wasn't exactly true.  She hated this recipe.  

The first Christmas they were married, Ralph had handed her the recipe saying, "This was my grandmother's fruitcake recipe.  She made it for me every Christmas when I was growing up.  It is one of the things I miss about her.  Would you make it for me this year?"  How could she refuse?  His grandmother had raised him after his parents were killed in an automobile accident.  They had been very close and her death had left him unsettled.  Dorothy appreciated his feelings for his grandmother so she baked the fruitcake.

Ready made candied fruit hadn't been available at that time and so she spent days candying fruit as the recipe instructed.  By the time she had all the ingredients for the cake, she was sick of the smell of candied fruit.  The addition of the bourbon made her nauseous.  After mixing the ingredients together, it took over an hour for the cake to bake.  She could smell the sugar crystallizing and the fruit as it fermented in the bourbon.  Maybe it tastes better than it smells. She thought.

All Dorothy's negative thoughts were washed away by the look on Ralph's face when he saw the cake.  She sliced a piece for each of them, placed the slices on beautiful plates, and sat down to enjoy her masterpiece.  Ralph took a bite and sat back in his chair with a look of sheer bliss on his face.  Dorothy's heart swelled with pride as she watched her husband enjoy one bite of cake. 

Dorothy prepared to take a bite hoping for a delectable treat.  The cake tasted exactly like it smelled.  The fermented candied fruit stung her tongue and the bourbon burned her throat.

"What's the matter?" Ralph asked.
"I don't like it.  Maybe I did something wrong.  Did your grandmother's taste like this?"
"Yes, it did.  I think it tastes great."

The following Christmas Ralph again asked for his grandmother's fruitcake.  Every Christmas after that, he just seemed to expect it.  Baking that cake became Dorothy's least favorite part of the holidays.

That was forty-five years ago.  Dorothy thought with tears flowing as she mixed the cake.  Why am I making it this year? 

Ralph had gone home to be with the Lord since last Christmas and Dorothy would have made that stinky cake twelve times to have him back.  Although Ralph wouldn't be here this year, Dorothy felt like it wouldn't be Christmas without that cake.  Part of her wasn't ready to admit he was never coming home again.  She knew she would see him again when she died, but not this earth. 

At least for this Christmas, his fruitcake would be with the family.

Marriage

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS ...
This was sent to me by email from one of my group members.  I usually do not forward things like this, but this one is special.  Please read it.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ♥

A Change In Twenty-four Hours

My husband is a wonderful man.  He truly desires to serve God, me, and our children.  He works hard at any task he undertakes.  There are many things I appreciate about him.  He possesses numerous skills that enhance my life.  One of the skills he does not possess is the art of encouragement.  He tends to think on the negative side of everything.  If you are celebrating a victory or an accomplishment, he will help you stay grounded by throwing cold water on the event. It never fails.  Let me start talking about what a glorious day it is and he will find something wrong with it.  Now he doesn't regularly complain.  But if I am pointing out the positive, he feels obligated to point out the negative.

It happened again yesterday.  We were driving to our property and discussing our future plans.  He started saying that he could do none of the work on the garage apartment we are building in.  He then went on to complain about the metal building he is in the process of completing and the stress he had suffered while constructing it.  I said, "Well, maybe God was trying to teach you something."  He said, "I know what it was, too.  Don't do it again."  The conversation didn't improve from there.  It took less than five minutes for my husband to extinguish the fire of my enthusiasm.  I was very disheartened and spent the rest of the day in prayer.  Now I know he doesn't do it on purpose.  He was raised in a home of discouragement.  Most of the time I understand that, but occasionally it gets to me.

Sometime in the early evening hours, I thought I wonder if there is a book to teach about encouraging your wife.  Immediately I logged on to amazon.com and searched how to encourage your wife.  Several books came up in the search.  As I looked over them I discovered there were two books by the same author.  One for the husband and one for the wife.  Then I thought, I don't want him to think I'm picking on him, so I'll download both books and we can both read about encouragement.

We each have a Kindle and I downloaded the appropriate book on each.  Then I went to the den where he was, handed his Kindle to him, and said, "I downloaded a book about encouragement on our Kindles.  I'm going to read mine.  You can do what you want with yours."  (I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but it had been a difficult day.)  The books are called Bringing Out the Best in Your Husband, Encourage Your Spouse and Bringing Out the Best in Your Wife, Encourage Your Spouse by H. Norman Wright.  I went back to the bedroom and started reading.

"Wow."  That is the only word I can think of to describe my experience.  I learned more about my husband in the next twenty-four hours than in almost forty years of marriage.  Guess what?   He doesn't do these things to irritate me.  He can't help it.  He's a man.  In this book the author explains the difference in the female and male brains.  He teaches that most of the time what a man says is not what he means.  Then he teaches the appropriate response.  In other words he teaches us how to interpret our husband's seemingly foreign language.  I wish I had had this book earlier in my marriage.  It would have saved me many sleepless nights.

I have not read the book written for men to learn about women.  My husband is reading it, but I have intentionally refrained from asking questions.  I do have confidence in the author that the quality of the counterpart rivals the one I read.  I highly recommend this book for anyone who is a partner or caretaker for someone of the opposite sex.  I considered posting this on The Book Mama, but decided this is not really a book review.  I'm not reviewing a book, but rather sharing how the book changed my thinking.  If your marriage is great, good, or bad, you need this book.  There is not a marriage that couldn't benefit from the secrets revealed in this book.  I look forward to seeing how God will use this in my marriage.

Love?

Carolyn was in her 40s when she married Richard. It was the second marriage for both. She dreamed of nothing else except serving him. She loved the amenties that came with him--the country club, higher social class, and a beautiful house. They both enjoyed traveling, boating, and golfing. They pretty much lived party to party.
Through the preaching of the gospel, they both accepted Christ as Savior and gave up the old life style. Church attendance was no longer an option. Richard was ordained as a deacon and both were leaders in the church.
Carolyn thought her life was perfect. She was married to a Christian man who was a leader in the church. One day, her world came crashing down. She learned that Richard had been having an affair. He confessed to her, crying and saying that he had made the worst mistake of his life, and begging her forgiveness. Carolyn was devastated. She spent time in prayer and reading God's word. Then she took a tablet and wrote "I forgive you" seven times for seven days. It took a long time, but her heart was eventually healed and their relationship became stronger because of it.
Carolyn and Richard retired and built their retirement home on a beautiful piece of property. They became active in the community and their new church. Life was good. Carolyn thought that they would grow old together and be able to live the good life they had worked so hard to have.
Almost twenty years after the affair, Carolyn noticed that Richard was showing some of the same behaviors. He began to miss church, stop reading his Bible and began using language he had used before he was saved. He left the house often without an explanation and spent a lot of time on the computer.
"What are you doing?" Carolyn asked walking into the room.
"Nothing." Richard answered as he quickly shut the monitor off.
"Where did you go last night?"
"Just around."
"Richard, what is going on?"
"There's nothing going on. Stop being so suspecious."
"I get suspecious when you act like you are trying to hide something."
"I'm not hiding anything. Leave me alone."
One day over coffee, Carolyn confided in a Christian friend. "I think Richard is having an affair."
"How do you know?"
"He is acting the same way he did when he had the affair right after we got married."
Richard became increasingly mysterious and withdrawn. He no longer even looked at Carolyn, much less talked to her or touched her. Carolyn offered to go to counseling with him. He didn't even bother to answer. Typical lately.
As Carolyn was bring groceries into the house, Richard announced that he wanted a divorce. He had fallen in love with a younger woman and wanted to be with her.
The divorce was quick but painful. Carolyn received a fair settlement, but it did not alieviate her pain. She still loved Richard. Richard did apologize for hurting her, but that wasn't much help. Carolyn wanted her life back. She prayed about it and asked her prayer group to pray for a reunion between her and Richard.
As Carolyn was cleaning house one morning, the phone rang. The caller had to repeat himself several times before Carolyn understood that it was Richard. He was crying and begging to be allowed to come back home. "I made the biggest mistake of my life. I want to come home. I want to get married again."
"I don't know, Richard. Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. I don't know why I left. Please let me come home."
"I have been praying for you and I want us to be together again too. But I have to know that this won't happen again."
"It won't. Please let me come home."
"Fine, but we are not getting married yet. I want to make sure this is really want you want."
Richard moved into the spare bedroom and did his best to prove to Carolyn that he belonged at home. The wedding took place a month after he moved back. Finally Carolyn had her life back. Her marriage had survived two affairs and a divorce. Now she rested easy knowing that her husband was back with her.
The marriage lasted less than two months before Richard informed Carolyn that he was leaving. "Why" she asked through her tears.
"I can't get her out of my mind. I am going back to her."
Carolyn cried to her friends, prayed with her pastor, and fellowshipped with her children.
One week later, Carolyn's phone rang. She answered and heard crying on the line. "I want to come home." Richard said.
"What do you mean?"
"I made the biggest mistake of my life. Please let me come home."
READER: What do you think will happen? Drop me a line and finish the story the way you would handle the situation.