God's Hand At Work-The Intervention

Saturday morning was bright, sunny, hot and sticky.  The 'intervention team' went to breakfast.  After eating more than we should, we wrote the 'bottom line' letter.  A bottom line letter tells the addict in no uncertain terms what will happen if he or she refuses the help.  It includes the consequences of their refusal, including what the family will do to take further action.  It informs the addict that he or she is no longer invited to family functions and the family will not listen to their problems until they are ready to accept treatment.  This letter is held by the interventionist until it is obvious the addict is not going to accept the help being offered.  Often times treatment is accepted after this letter is read.

At breakfast I informed the others that Denise thought she looked so bad that she didn't want to be seen by the family.  I asked them to wait outside until I could make her more comfortable about her appearance.  At 10:00 a.m. I called Denise to tell her I was coming to her house.

"I'm asleep."  She said.

"That's alright.  Just get up, unlock the door and go back to bed.  I'll let myself in.  I want to see Bobby."

"He's asleep, too."

"He'll wake up.  Just get up and unlock the door."

Ten minutes later, I entered the dark, dreary, less-welcoming-than-the-Adams-family house.  I groped my way down the hall to Bobby's room, knocked on the door, and announced that I was there.  He immediately opened the door, let me in and then sat down on the bed.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Your sister and your grandmother are one their way over here to do an intervention on your mother.  We are going to try to get her to go to rehab tonight."

"Cool."

"Tiffany has suggest it would be best if you are not here because your mother gets so angry with you."

"So, you want me to get lost for the day?"

"Do you mind?"

"No, it's okay."

He immediately went to the shower and I went to Denise's room. 

"Denise, wake up.  There are some people coming over to see you."

"No, I don't want to see anybody.  I don't want them to see my house.  I am hurting so bad.  I had a bad night."

"Well they are coming, so do you want me to help you put on your wig?"

"No, I'm not vain.  I just don't want to see anyone.  Who's coming?  Is my mother bringing her preacher over here to pray for me?  Is this some sort of intervention?  Because if it is, I don't need it.  I am not a drug addict.  I don't even take all my pills prescribed.  I have pills left over every month.  I'll show you?"  She opened a draw to show me all the pill bottles.  The addict will always try to deny the addiction, defend his actions and justify his need for the pills. "I have to go to the bathroom" she announced. While in the bathroom, she began crying, claiming she was in pain.

By the time Bobby got out of the shower and dressed, the rest of the team was at the house.  He walked out of his room, hugged his grandmother and sister.  I introduced the interventionist.  "Do you want a hug, too.  Come here."  He said as he embraced her in a big bear hug.  After a short exchange of farewells, he left the house.

Denise came out of the bathroom crying uncontrollably.  Her mother and daughter attempted to hug her, but she claimed she was in too much pain and went back to bed.  Immediately, Tiffany began gathering chairs and stools.  "Here take this to her room"  She told each one of us.  She was determined that nothing was going to stop this intervention. 

We all crowded into the small room and sat beside the bed.  I introduced the interventionist to Denise.  There was no response, which was a good sign.  I fully expected her to tell the interventionist to go somewhere else; her services were not needed.  Not in polite words that I would print.

"I am here because your family has some concerns about your health."  Sharon began. 

"I'm fine.  I don't need any help."

"Well we think you do."  Sharon continued.  Then she instructed each of us to read our letters. 

Denise was defensive and somewhat argumentative during the letter reading.  She claimed we didn't understand her pain and again defended the amount of drugs she took.  She asked me to open the drawer and show them the pills.  She pointed to the calendar and informed us of each upcoming doctor's appointment.  "I am doing everything I can for my health.  I have been waiting for surgery for 3 months.  They keep passing me from doctor to doctor."

I did most of the talking because Denise is less argumentative with me than others.  "I have found a program that can take care of your whole body.  Then you won't have to go to different doctors trying to find out what is wrong."

"I like my doctors."

"I know you like your doctors, but you have been waiting 3 months already and still don't have surgery scheduled."

"Yes, I do.  I have an appointment on the 30th."

"You have an appointment for surgery on the 30th?"  The addict will try to confuse the facts.

"No I have a doctor's appointment to be released.  Then I can go to the next doctor who will schedule the surgery." 

"If you go to this program, they won't pass you around like that."

"I like my doctors."

"Mom, please go for this treatment."  Tiffany pleaded.

"I'll go after the 30th.  I can't go before then.  I have a surgery scheduled."  Again attempting to confusing the facts.

"The 30th is two weeks away. Then it will take another two weeks to schedule surgery.  That's another month.  I have talked to these doctors and told them about your health.  They have set up some special tests to try and help your Chordoma tumor."

"Mom, please go for treatment."

"I'll go tomorrow."

"Well actually, we have flights book for 7:15 tonight."  Tiffany exaggerated this a little.  Sharon had placed two flights on hold, but not booked. 

"Tiffany, how could you do that to me.  I'm not going anywhere tonight.  All of you need to get out of my room so I can put in my suppository."  The other three left.  Before I could leave, Denise began telling me why she could not leave that night.  I slammed the door and we had a 'come to Jesus meeting'. 

"I can't go.  Who is going to take care of Bobby?"

"I'll take care of Bobby."

"What about my bills?"

"I can pay your bills online just like you do now."

"What if I get out there and they find something that takes three months to cure?  Am I going to stay out there three months?"

"Why not?" 

"Get out of my way, I'm going to the bathroom."

Denise went to the bathroom and I went into the living room.  The other members of the team looked up at me and said, "What do we do now?" 

Answer tomorrow.  Please check the appropriate box if you have a loved one who suffers with an addiction.  If you marked an answer yesterday, please do not mark again.  I will add all the posts for a total at the end of the series.

God's Hand At Work--Leading up to the Intervention

I thought I would not be very busy during the week and a half between the conference call and the scheduled intervention.  I knew I had a commitment to VBS, but I thought everything for the intervention was complete.  Instead, I was on the phone daily with the admissions administrator of the program or the company sending the trained interventionist.  One of our conversations included a discussion of Denise's personality and the right person to help us with the intervention.  It had to be a strong, independent woman.  Denise would not connect with any other type.  Connection is crucial to a successful intervention.  The service explained that the training for the intervention would last 4-8 hours.  This was a problem since none of us live in the area where Denise does.  I searched online and discovered that I could rent a hotel suite with two bedrooms, two bathrooms and a living room for the same price as separate hotel rooms.  I made the reservation.

On Thursday before my VBS team went into chapel, they were telling me good-bye and I asked that we have prayer.  We joined hands in a circle and one by one, these ladies prayed that God grant me a safe journey, wise words, and emotional strength.  Then they prayed for the other members of the intervention team.  They concluded by praying that God would soften Denise's heart and help her to be receptive to the help she was being offered.  Then one lady looked at another and said "Remind me to ask prayer for this  tomorrow morning at the staff meeting."  I left feeling blessed to have such good friends.

Friday morning I left the lake at 7:00 to make sure I was at the airport on time.  Bush Intercontinental Airport is a maze and I do not attempt to maneuver within it.  I always park at a Park and Ride and let them drive me to the door.  It is worth every penny I pay.  The closer the van got to the terminal door, the more the knot in my stomach tightened.  This was real, real, REAL.

I sat down at baggage claim to wait for the interventionist.  Sharon arrived at 10:30 and we instantly connected.  The team member who had been out of the country was flying in at 11:50, so Sharon and I waited for her.  It was a good time for me to brief her about Denise and the addiction.  When Tiffany did arrive, the three of us went to lunch.  At that time, Tiffany briefed Sharon about Denise.  What she said verified what I had told Sharon in the airport.  We proceeded to the hotel and waited for the fourth member of the team to arrive. 

The hotel suite was perfect.  Tiffany and I could access the Internet with our laptops and there was ample room in the living room for everyone to sit comfortably and listen to the training.  We went through the training manual, discussing Denise at certain points.  The service had sent each team member a letter writing guide and  instructed us to write a letter to Denise explaining how her addiction affected us.  After we completed the training, we read our letters aloud to each other and examined them for any criticism or admonishment.  There were none, so no letter needed to rewritten.  We completed the plan including what would be said if Denise refused to go for help. 

At dinner, Tiffany expressed concern about Denise's son being home during the intervention.  Denise seems to become easily angry at her son for even breathing.  Tiffany said that if he was there Denise would focus all her energy on being angry with him and not listening to what we said.  The team agreed that he had to leave the house.  A vote was taken on who would tell him.  I was elected.  Remind me not to go to the bathroom during a meeting again. 

Sharon had gotten up at 2:00 Friday morning to make her flight.  Tiffany had flown all night from China to Los Angeles and then on to Houston.  I had not slept well in two weeks.  Although we were all exhausted and went to bed at a reasonable time, no one slept very well due to anxiety.  Although we all trusted God, during a time like this, any surprise or deviation of the plan is a potential for derailment.  The cost in this case may very well be Denise's death due to drug overdose. 

Tomorrow we will begin with the morning of the intervention, which may need to be two posts due to length.

Many families are plagued with the problem of addiction.  My mother attends a very small church and has discovered that 10 families in their small congregation have a loved one addicted to prescription pain pills.  One pastor's wife admitted an addiction.   Many of my Christian friends have expressed that they have a loved one who has required help to overcome the addiction.  If you have a loved one who has an addiction, please mark the nature of the addiction at the bottom of this post.  This system is set up to tally the comments.  There is no way for anyone to learn who responded.