Controversial For Christians

I have been conflicted all day about what to write.  Then I read a story about a woman who committed suicide after battling MS for forty years.  My mind went back to when I had a similar conversation with my sister a couple of months before cancer took her life.  

My sister felt that anyone who took their own life committed the unpardonable sin and would not be allowed into heaven.  I do not believe that.  I asked my sister why she believed the way she did and she replied, "How can you ask God to forgive you if you are already dead?"  My reply was that He had already forgiven you. She asked, "When?"  I said "when he died on the cross all your sins were in the future.  You couldn't ask him for forgiveness then.  And when you asked him to save you and forgive your sins, He forgave the past, present, and future sins."

The question has come up "Can a true Christian take  his own life?"  Let's divide that question in two and examine it.  "Can a true Christian..."  First I'm not going to judge anyone's relationship with Christ.  We could ask a lot of questions about 'true Christians' if we wanted, but that's very dangerous ground.  No one knows another person's heart.  I can testify to that because I lived as a 'Christian' for years before I actually trusted Christ as my savior.  Many people thought I was saved, but I knew my heart.

The next part of the equation is "take his own life."   I can't judge anyone for taking their own life.  I can't measure their pain.  I don't know their pain tolerance or their outlook for the future.  How bad is their pain level?  How long have they been suffering?  What is required to manage their pain? Will their pain end?    What are their options?

I'm not saying that I believe in suicide.  I am saying that I do not judge anyone who chooses to end their pain.  I also do not believe that God is unable to forgive the person.  I choose to allow God to do the judging, forgiving, and saving.

The Letter

Fiction Friday--The Letter

Arlene had been bitter most of her life. She had been mistreated and abused as a child. She had been hurt as a young adult and was never able to recover. Blaming that one incident for all her difficulties, she was an angry, bitter woman. The bitterness had destroyed any close relationship she had attempted. She had many friends, but none that she could count on in a storm. She had had a few romances in her life, but none lasted for very long. After a while they got tired of being around someone who was always upset about something and impossible to please.
Arlene had tried therapy but it seemed like talking about it made her feel worse. She had tried prayer and meditation, but she was unable to maintain a positive attitude for any length of time. Listening to a talk show one morning, she heard someone advise writing a letter to the one who hurt you. In the letter tell them what you think. Don’t hold anything back. Don’t worry about hurting them. Remember, they hurt you first. You would feel better after you got things off your chest. Then the guest speaker advised waiting three days before mailing it. That way you could change your mind if needed or add something.

Arlene thought about it for several days. How could writing a letter help you feel better? After a while she decided that she had nothing to lose, so she set aside time in her schedule, bought some stationary and sat down to write.




 

Dear Pain Inflicter:

Are you aware of the pain you have caused me in my life? I remember the day you hurt me. I remember every word you said to me. You had never talked to me that way. I stood silently and allowed you to say whatever you wanted. I kept being nice to you because I thought that any minute you would realize you didn’t have to talk me that way. But nothing helped. You just continued to be ugly to me.

How dare you disrespect me like that? How dare you speak to me that way? Were you not aware of how much you were hurting me? Did you not see the pain on my face? You had no right to say the things you did. They were disrespectful, unkind, and humiliating. They made me feel like a piece of trash that you had thrown away.
　
I have cried over this incident long enough. Let me tell you that I think you are despicable, appalling, dreadful, wicked, vile, and loathsome. I wish I had never met you. My life changed for the worse the day you came into it. You think you are hot stuff, but you’re not. You walk around looking like you have all the answers, but don’t forget-- I know better. Oh, you may look good, but I know the real you.

I am so angry at myself for not standing up for myself. I allowed you to berate and belittle me. Now I want to stand up for myself. I did not do what I was accused of doing. I waited because I thought surely you would allow me to defend myself. But NO! You just believed other people and didn’t even consider that they might be lying. I don’t like being falsely accused. But then, if you really thought I was capable of doing what they said, it would have been a waste of my time to explain it anyway.

Here’s what I think. You didn’t believe in me. You didn’t trust me. Therefore, you didn’t deserve my kindness and friendship. So I am through with you. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to hear from you. I don’t want to speak to you. I don’t even want to think about you. We are done, done, done.
Your former friend,
Arlene
　
                                                         　
Arlene folded the letter into thirds and placed it in the addressed envelope. Now I’ll feel better, she thought. She placed the envelope on the mantle of the fireplace and went about her daily tasks—or rather tried to. She couldn’t stop thinking about that letter. She had said exactly what she thought so she should be pleased with herself. But she wasn’t. She wasn’t sure if she felt worse, but she sure didn’t feel any better.

The next morning she took the envelope off the mantle and reread the letter. She felt justified in everything she wrote. The person who had caused her pain deserved everything in that letter. She quickly replaced the letter in the envelope and sealed it so she could not take it out again. Now I’ll feel better, she thought. But she didn’t.

The next morning, still feeling down, she put a stamp on the letter. There, now I have to mail it or waste a stamp. Then she replaced the envelope on the mantle. Still she couldn’t take her mind off the letter. The letter consumed her every thought. Did the other person really deserve that? Whether it was deserved or not, the letter hadn’t brought her the satisfaction she thought it would. She considered opening it and writing more on the letter, but decided against that.

That night was a fitful, restless night. Arlene didn’t sleep at all. She was concerned about why she wasn’t feeling better. According to the expert she should be feeling great. There is no point in mailing the letter if I don’t feel better. She paced the floor for most of the night. She spent several minutes walking in front of the fireplace and looking at the addressed, sealed, and stamped envelope containing a scathing letter that was supposed to make her feel better, but didn’t.
 The following morning—mailing day, she was still apprehensive about mailing the letter. She walked out to the mailbox with the envelope in her hand. Suddenly she had an idea. She took a pen out of her pocket and wrote  I forgive you  on the outside. Instantly she felt better. The expert was right, I do feel better.

Somebody's Going To Pay For This

Somebody's going to pay for this!!!  Have you ever heard that?  Have you ever said that?  It is usually said by someone who is extremely angry.  They've been wronged and by golly, somebody should pay for it.  If the person who wronged them and actually owes for the offense can't pay, then you have to pay.  Let's look at some examples.

John was in a car accident.  He was stopped at a red light and a car coming from behind failed to stop.  John's car was totaled.  The other driver doesn't have insurance despite regulations.  He also has no money.  John is determined that somebody should pay for his car.  Wait a minute, he thinks.  Ralph has insurance and money.  I'll just sue him.  So you are faced with court and lawyer fees for something you didn't do and had no control over.

Willie didn't pay his income taxes.  He could have.  He just chose to use his money to have a good time.  (Sorry, couldn't resist this analogy.)  Several benefits are held to raise money to help poor ole Willie out.  Finally after several concerts, enough money was raised to pay his taxes.  The country can rest easy now.  Poor ole Willie can continue singing.

Louise visits her favorite dress shop about once a month and usually buys something.  Last month she found the perfect dress for her daughter's wedding, but it was the wrong size.  Louise asked the shop owner to order it in her size.  When the dress was delivered, Louise was contacted and agreed to pick it up later that day.  She got busy and forgot.  The shop owner called the next day to remind her.  Louise again agreed to pick it up later that day.  Again she miscalculated her time and failed to make it by the shop.  The third day she received another call from the shop owner.  This call wasn't a reminder.  It was an unprofessional shouting monologue.  Louise was angry.  She didn't deserve that treatment.  She had been a customer for years.  How dare she treat me that way? Louise thought as she determined to get even.  She picked up the dress and gave the clerk instructions to put it on her bill.  Yet as she did, she knew she wouldn't pay for it.  The shop owner had been rude and needed to pay for her attitude.

Jane was the shop owner.  She loved running the dress shop and interacting with the customers.  She loved Louise.  Louise was a good customer, but a little slow about paying her bill.  She often needed several reminders before she paid for items she had purchased.  This behavior irritated Jane, but what could she do?  Jane had been reluctant to order the dress for Louise, but relented because it was for a special occasion.  She had called twice to remind Louise about the dress.  The third morning she arose from a sleepless night.  The weather was bad and a wreck on the freeway caused her to be late opening the shop.  Her umbrella broke as she walked up to the back door of the shop.  The lock was stiff and difficult to open.  She had asked her husband to fix it, but as usually he had gotten around to it.  By the time she called Louise, she was ready for somebody to pay for her rotten day.

I know, I know.  The first scenario is ridicules, but it got your attention.  The other three seem to happen too often lately.  Should we pay because someone else can't or won't?   Should we expect someone else to pay because we can't collect what is owed to us?  

That's what we do when we fail to forgive someone for an offense.  They offended us and somebody needs to pay for it.  So we allow it to change who we are and how we interact with others.  Pretty soon we are taking our repayment out on others and we are no better than the person who offended us.   

Is there someone you need to forgive?  Yes, they mistreated you.  No, you didn't deserve it.  Maybe they did it intentionally, making it harder to forgive.  Maybe they were trying to collect from you because someone offended them.  Maybe they didn't even realize they had hurt you.  The circumstance doesn't matter.  The point is if you fail to forgive, you are allowing the incident to control you.  Why not let God handle this for you?  Forgive them and let Him take care of the rest.  He is far more capable of rectifying wrongs than you are.

When Love Is Not Love

There is an old saying that goes: If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck.  Not necessarily.  The picture on the left looks like a duck.  When pulled, it will make a noise like a duck.  Ask any child over 2 years old what it is and he will tell you "A duck."  Is it a duck?

If you ask this little boy what he is doing, he will say, "Riding my horse."  Is he?  He thinks he is.  With his imagination, he can go all over the country and capture many bad guys on that horse. 

You and I can see that it is not a real horse.  And we can see the duck is not a real duck.  Why?  Because we are adults and know the difference in real and make believe?  It seems that some women don't.

They live by the old Sandy Posey song Born a Woman.  The song said, "Stepped on, lied to, cheated on and treated like dirt.  If you're born a woman, you're born to be hurt."  There are women that allow some man to leave them for another woman only to completely forgive and take him back when he cries.  "Hey, everybody makes mistakes."  Your right.  They do.  What about the second or third time he does it?  "But he said he loved me."  Yes he did.  Would she take him back if he said, "By the way, I don't love you, but I need a place to crash for a while because the other woman threw me out"?  Or maybe "I don't love you, but I need your money"?  "Well no.  That would be stupid."  You are right, it would.  He knows that.  So what does he do?  He does what he does best.  He LIES.  Why?  Because it works.  It gets him what he wants.  Her friends try to tell her.  Does she listen?  No.  She stands up for him and proclaims his valor.  Then she tells her friends, "You just don't understand him." 

What does the Bible say about true love?

And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.  Genesis 29:20.   Remember that Jacob had already worked seven years for Rachel.  He was lied to and cheated out of his fair wages.  Yet he agreed to work another seven years for her.

And if the servant shall plainly say, I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free:Exodus 21:5  This verse says that a man should love his wife and children enough to give up freedom to be with them.

When is love not really love? 

• When it treats you with disrespect. 
• When it puts anything above your feelings.
• When it asks you to give up something you love.
• When it offers false hope.
• When it offers false apologies.
• When it harms someone you love.
 

 

"Miss, I Screwed Up"

Years ago I taught an Adaptive Behavior Class.  The class consisted of students whose behavior was so inappropriate they were not allowed to attend regular classes.  One day a new student, John was added to the class with special instructions from the administration.  He was to earn his way back to regular classes one class at a time. 

After three weeks of excellent behavior in my class I allowed him to attend one class of his choice, returning to the ABC unit at the end of the period.  On the third day of the schedule John returned muttering, "That stupid teacher."  I knew his behavior had been unacceptable so I asked what happened.  He told me.  The privilege of attending a regular class was removed for three more weeks.  When John was allowed to return to a regular class, he lasted three days before displaying inappropriate behavior.  This pattern was repeated so many times that I began to believe he would never learn what he needed to do.

One day John returned to the ABC unit with a strange look on his face.  He entered quietly and went straight to his seat where he sat silently for several minutes.  Suddenly he looked up at me and said, "Miss, I screwed up." 

I looked at my aide and asked, "Did you hear that?"  Excitedly she answered that she had heard. 

John looked at us like we had lost our minds and said, "You're happy I screwed up?" 

I explained that everyone screws up and that the only difference in the students in my class and the ones in regular classes is the ability to admit their mistakes.

What a privilege to be able to go to Christ and say, "I screwed up" knowing we will receive understanding and forgiveness.